After a few days on tour, we are all feeling less than our normal sanitary selves. Our bathing habits can sometimes slip, but luckily our hotel is making me feel cleaner than I’ve ever been. Not to sound like a spoiled child, but man, whoever killed the person in the next room and then carted the body pieces out in separate suitcases sure left an intractable stench. If I may, a combination of dead fish and human feces with a generous portion of eau de 20 day old elephant carcass wouldn’t be that far off. Seriously, the police should look into these 2 guys and their 7 stinking, super heavy suitcases.
Initially, I was eaten alive by mosquitos in our 98℉/37℃ room because I dared to walk across the “rug” to open the window. Now I’m too terrified that I will be consumed by a flesh eating disease living amongst all the mold in the shower to actually chance taking one. For hotel showers that’s all de rigueur, but for the love of god, even the maid was horrified by the smell coming out of the Suitcase Slayers’ room next door. Her massive clouds of Glade air freshener were no match for this reeking terror. And sadly, she was going to have to deal with it. Not me, I’m hitting the road immediately. Au revoir!
To make matters worse, it turns out I am living a lie. Though we are supposed to play in a cute town called Rodez, we are actually playing in a town called Onet-Le-Chateau-the town around Rodez. We are treated very nicely by Cyril; we even get a cheese plate/white wine/photo exhibition opening to relax and detraumatize ourselves from this morning’s hotel experience. Vink Vray joins us tonight for this evening’s musical follies. Our favorite quote collection of the past week: “You are SUCK!” “I like your hard!” and “You eat it?”
Dear Chief,
Please write a book. I’ll buy it.
Thank you.
And what should the subject be? miscellaneous useless ramblings by a complete fool? has a nice ring to it, no?